i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
