it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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