Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
