I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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