Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
