he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
