p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
