Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found your dick twin last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
