Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
