Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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