Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
