she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
