i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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