All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
