Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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