It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
