dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
