I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
