What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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