remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
