she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
