It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
