you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
