Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
