Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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