He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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