Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
