i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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