You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
