Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
