he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
