Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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