3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
