so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
