I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
