The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
