At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
