Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
