Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
