one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
