Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
