His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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