In the future we'll all be gay
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
