He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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