And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
