So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
