all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
