i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
