It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
