Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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