she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
