I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
