New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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