We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Someone shattered a urinal.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
